Loss

Six days ago, I was pregnant. Four days later, I was not. Technically this is termed a 'chemical pregnancy'. But to me I lost my baby. A baby my husband and I so desperately want. A baby that took us almost a year to conceive. I had 4 days of euphoria, followed by days of such sadness that all I want to do is sleep. My husband has been so amazing and I have found therapy in his loving arms and have medicated myself with my puppy's kisses and cuddles. I have also found support from my friends on TheBump, who were so excited for my 'BFP' and have sent such lovely notes to me. Some of them, unfortunately, have lived the same experience. Through them I know I will mend. But for now I still feel pretty broken.

Namaste

Today I did something I haven't done in a long time. I went to yoga. I haven't done it in years. I substituted it for running. I was that pompous runner who felt that running was the only true form of exercise. Why walk when you can run? That was my motto. But then I hurt my hip.

Turns out running didn't love my body as much as my body loved running. I sustained an injury -- a torn labrum in my right hip. No more running for me. I need to do something though. So I turned back to yoga. And I'm wondering why I ever left.

It is so rejuvenating. I love the feel of my muscles stretching, the feeling of stress leaving my body as I breathe. Sure it's not the same feeling I got when I had Lady Gaga blaring on my iPOD and I was taking a challenging hill. But it's a good feeling. A peaceful feeling. As I get more and more frustrated with my TTC journey - it's a centered feeling I feel that I need.

And who knows .... maybe someday I'll be able to do this ....